Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
