I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
