I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
