Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
