I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
