In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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