My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
