Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
