what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
