I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
