After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
