just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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