just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
