I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I look better un-naked...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
