i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
