How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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