I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
