I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
