apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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