It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
