my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
