He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
