wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
