At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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