so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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