my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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