I think my vagina is haunted
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
