So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
