According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
