Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
