i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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