okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
