If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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