I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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