SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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