Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
