he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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