i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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