i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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