More tranny stories later!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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