I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is Oprah even human
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
