You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
