Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
