sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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