wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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