she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
