There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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