definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
