i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
