is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
