that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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