She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
