is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
