i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Damn victory sex feels great
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So apparently I’m into choking now
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
