i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
